Ten tips for labor coaches

What an important role you've taken on as labor coach! Whether the woman in labor is your partner, family member, or friend, she'll look to you for strength and encouragement. And though you may find it hard to watch her in pain as she goes through labor, you're likely to find the birth one of life's most powerful and satisfying moments.

Here are some tips for being a great labor coach:

Know what to expect

Labor is not the right time to be flipping through a pregnancy book or notes from childbirth classes, so finish your reading beforehand. And go to a childbirth class with an open mind – you'll get solid, basic information, as well as a sense of how other coaches are planning to get through the event.

Be ready to wait

Unlike in the movies, most women labor for hours before they even go to the hospital. Indeed, it's often more comfortable to spend the early stages of labor at home. And many hospitals won't let a laboring woman check in until her contractions are regular and coming about every five minutes.

You may want to time the contractions periodically, so you can have a sense of how things are progressing, but you don't need to do so continuously. Much better to save your energy to care for your loved one.

Be available to do whatever she finds relaxing at this point, such as watching TV, taking a walk, or cuddling on the bed. This isn't the time for finishing up last-minute projects or doing household chores.

Be flexible

The same labor strategies don't work for all women. Well before the baby's due date, take time to discuss expectations and options. Later, you can take the initiative with your laboring mom's wishes in mind. But be prepared to change course – part of a labor coach's job is to discern what works and drop what doesn't.

Don't take things personally

A woman in labor may be in her own world. Giving birth is a long, hard job, and some women cope by reaching deep inside themselves.

The laboring woman may become outwardly irritable at times, too. For instance, she may love having you massage her early in labor, and then during transition find being touched intolerable and let you know that in no uncertain terms! It's important not to misconstrue her behavior as a rejection of you.

Bring a few things for yourself

Most pregnant moms ready their overnight bags long before their due date. But you may be spending the night at the hospital, too, so don't forget to pack some things for yourself. Essentials: A change of clothes, comfortable shoes, and a sustaining snack (one with no strong odors, please!).

Partners sometimes join moms in the tub or shower. If you think you might do this, pack a bathing suit.

Ask questions

Medical professionals should, but don't always, explain what they're doing and whether it's mandatory. Don't be shy about seeking out information, whether about medical procedures or about helping the laboring mom get more comfortable – especially if she's not up to asking questions herself.

Be her advocate

A laboring woman is not always in the best condition to make hard decisions or assertive requests. Be ready to step in if the situation calls for it. You may need to ask that her healthcare practitioner be woken from a nap, that an anesthesiologist be paged, or that a mirror be brought in. And if Mom plans to breastfeed, help make sure that she has a chance to do so soon after the baby's born, and that someone's there to help her if she's having trouble.

Help her stay focused and relaxed

Suggest different coping techniques when necessary, drawing on the methods you've both learned in childbirth classes. For example, suggest position changes or encourage her to find something – such as a breathing pattern, your face, or even a foot rub – to focus on during the contractions, and bring her back to it whenever she starts to think she won't make it.

Know your limitations

A lot goes on in the birthing room. Be aware of what you're willing to do during the process and what you want to leave to the professionals. For example, if you're not comfortable cutting the umbilical cord (even if that was the initial plan), just say so.

Just be there

This is one of those events for which showing up is the most important thing of all. Even if you want to – or have to – leave most of the hands-on stuff to the pros, your presence matters. And no matter how you really feel, project a sense of confidence and calm reassurance: "You're doing great! Everything's going fine." There'll be time for you to unravel later.

35 weeks

Seven fears expectant fathers face

From the moment you learn of your partner's pregnancy, you're thrust into a strange new world and encouraged to participate in the pregnancy and birth process. Yet, you may feel awkward about sharing your fears and insecurities. That's only natural. Here are seven common fears faced by fathers-to-be:

Security fears

The biggest fear men face is the one most deeply hardwired into our culture: Will I be able to protect and provide for my family? In most families when the first child arrives, there's this sudden if temporary shift from two incomes for two people to one income for three. And that's a tough burden to carry in today's world. The father has to be strong in ways he hadn't counted on before. He has to provide support not just financially but also emotionally: His wife will need his help, she'll be undergoing dramatic emotional shifts, and he has to be ready for her to lean on him.

Performance fears

More than 80 percent of the fathers I come across in my practice say they were worried they wouldn't be able to perform when their wife was in labor. They were afraid of passing out, throwing up, or getting queasy in the presence of all those bodily fluids. Such fears may be based on cartoons and sitcoms and our culture's way of making fun of men, but two things became clear: The men all expected it — and it almost never happens. In follow-up interviews, it turned out only one out of 600 men fainted, and that was in August in Fresno (California), and the air conditioning had gone out and two of the nurses had to leave the room, too.

If you really can't tolerate blood, step out of the delivery room. Don't ignore your fears — work through them, talk to other fathers who've been there. Typically, the first thing fathers say when they come out of the delivery room is "The baby and my wife are fine; it's a girl." And the second thing they say is "I didn't get queasy — I came through it okay."

Paternity fears

About half the new and expectant dads I interviewed eventually came around to admitting they had fleeting thoughts that they weren't really the baby's father. But if you ask them whether they suspect that their wife had an affair, they're insulted and hurt. On a logical level, it's a disconnect, but on an emotional level something else is going on. He's dwelling on his own inadequacies: "It's too monumental, too godlike, being part of the creation of life. Someone bigger than me must have done it."

One of the fathers I encountered was this interesting guy with bright red hair, freckles, and a crooked smile. His baby had bright red hair, freckles, and a crooked smile. And he said with a straight face, "I wonder if my wife was unfaithful." But he went on: "It just seemed — I don't know — this was too good, too miraculous to happen to me."

Mortality fears

When you're a part of the beginning of a life, you can't avoid thinking about the end of life. Thoughts about your own mortality can loom large: You're not the youngest generation anymore, your replacement has arrived, and if everything works out right, you'll die before your child dies. For a lot of young men who go around thinking they're immortal or invincible, that's a big change. One of my clients was a world-class racecar driver, and he gave it up. He told me, "I don't have the right to die anymore."

Fear for your spouse's or child's health

Childbirth is such a nerve-racking experience. Scary things can happen to the person you love most in the whole world. You might lose the baby; you might lose your wife and have to bring the baby up alone. It really wasn't long ago that giving birth was fraught with danger: When my grandparents had children in the early 1920s, the main cause of death in women under 50 was childbirth. Today, if the birth goes well and the baby's fine, you'll still find most parents secretly counting the newborn's fingers and toes.

Relationship fears

Men often fear that their wife will love the baby more than anyone on earth — and exclude them from that intimate relationship. It's a very real fear of being replaced. In so many households, after the birth Mom becomes the gatekeeper, giving her husband access to the baby only when she sees fit.

I remember being at a Fourth of July fireworks show where a mother was carrying a newborn and the dad went over to give the baby a kiss and she slapped his hand and said, "You'll wake him." The dad just crumpled and walked away. What he should have said then was, "I'd like to hold him now, and if he wakes up I'll take care of it." He needs to make it clear that this is his child, too, and they're partners in raising him. He needs to spend time alone with his baby and kick Mom out of the house some days. Otherwise, I can see him spending all his time on the golf course because there's no place for him in the house.

Each parent brings different strengths to the partnership. The child usually relies on the mother for security, comfort, and warmth. The child looks to the father for his sense of freedom and separation and sense of the world. Of course, those qualities can come from either parent, but when all these strengths work hand in hand, it's fabulous.

Fears of "women's medicine"

Men are not used to the ob-gyn establishment. It's foreign, it's cold, it's something we don't understand well. Even as observers, many men feel embarrassed and inhibited around stirrups and gynecological exams. Hospital examining rooms and delivery rooms are not made comfortable for a father. Men are usually fairly ignorant about a woman's reproductive system — it's what happens "down there." And so when men encounter all this for the first time, they get clobbered with it. Being prepared — making decisions together about the kind of care you want for your partner and baby — helps tremendously. Having a birth plan, with a set role for you, also helps to make clear what's ahead in the process.

Jerrold Lee Shapiro, a licensed clinical psychologist, is the author of Becoming a Father (Springer), The Measure of a Man (Berkley), and When Men Are Pregnant (Delta). He lives in the San Francisco Bay Area with his wife and two children.

Selamat tiba di Serdang pada pukul 10.40 am

Walaupun harini hari ke3 aku mc, aku ttp berjaya gagahkan diri utk balik ke serdang. hampir seminggu setengah aku tinggalkan atas urusan kerja. sibuk yg boleh dikawal lagi. ada income sikit. ley simpan2 utk masa depan. baby pun tak lama lagi nak kuaw.

Illis pun dah sarat2 aku nampak. aku kesiankan dia duduk kat serdang masa aku out station, so aku bawa dia sekali. at least dia ley releasekan tension dia utk menantikan kelahiran anak kami. Sejak 2 menjak ni, aku selalu ke Utara. Kebetulan kerja aku banyak ke sana, so aku bawa illis sekali. Bolehlah dia luangkan masa dengan familinya..

Hujung bulan 4 ni pun mybe ke sana lagi. Masa tu aku tatau lagi, aku akan pergi atau tarik diri utuk bertugas luar. Dah genting masa tu. Kalau aku jangkakan kerja aku sibuk ke utara, aku dah registerkan illis utk deliver baby di sana (Pulau Pinang). Famili dia pun ley nengokkan. Mertua aku semua dah pencen, ley mereka tgok2kan.. Tapi nak buat mcmana.. Tak dijangka..

Aku dan Illis di Taiping

1 - 3 April 2009 kami akan berada di sini. Aku ada kerja kat sini. Lepas ni ke Sungai Petani pun ada urusan kerja. Oleh kerana dekat dengan rumah mertua, kami pun balik lagi ke sana. Sebenarnya, 2 minggu lepas kami baru balik dari sana. Ingatkan masa tu kali terakhir illis balik sebelum deliver. Tapi ada peluang lagi illis balik. Heheh. Bukan main suka dia.

Kalau korang nak tahu, aku kerja sebagai PRO. So, kena selalulah melibatkan diri dengan media. Memujuk media untuk datang ke majlis/program ofc aku. Media pun pandai memilih value berita untuk siarkan dlm ruangan masing2 kan? Orang2 keliling bukan main sibuk tanya pasal media. "Datang berapa ramai nanti? Siapa yang akan datang? Jgn lupa suruh mereka cover itu dan ini..". Ayo! Aku tahulah kerja aku.

note:- along, angah lupa nak edit gambar. nanti dah sudah edit, angah roger!

Fetal Movement: Feeling Your Baby Kick

When should I start to feel my baby move?

You probably won't feel your baby kick until sometime between 16 and 22 weeks, even though he started moving at 7 or 8 weeks and you may have already witnessed his acrobatics if you've had an ultrasound.

Veteran moms tend to notice those first subtle kicks — also known as "quickening" — earlier than first-time moms. (A woman who's been pregnant before can more easily distinguish her baby's kick from other belly rumblings, such as gas.)

Your build may also have something to do with when you'll be able to tell a left jab from a hunger pang. Thinner women tend to feel movement earlier and more often than women who carry more weight.

What does it feel like?

Women have described the sensation as being like popcorn popping, a goldfish swimming around, or butterflies fluttering. You'll probably chalk up those first gentle taps or swishes in your belly to gas or hunger pains, but once you start feeling them more regularly, you'll recognize the difference. You're more likely to feel these early movements when you're sitting or lying quietly.

How often should I feel movements?

At first the kicks you notice will be few and far between. In fact, you may feel several movements one day and then none the next. Although your baby is moving and kicking regularly, many of his jerks and jolts aren't yet strong enough for you to feel. But later in the second trimester, those reassuring kicks will become stronger and more regular.

If you're tempted to compare notes with other pregnant women, don't worry if your experience differs from that of your friends. Every baby has his own pattern of activity, and there's no correct one. As long as your baby's usual activity level doesn't change too much, chances are he's doing just fine.

Do I need to keep track of the kicking?

Once you're feeling kicks regularly, pay attention to them and let your practitioner know right away if you notice a decrease in your baby's movement. Less movement may signal a problem, and you'll need a nonstress test or biophysical profile to check on your baby's condition.

Once you're in your third trimester, some practitioners will recommend that you spend some time each day counting your baby's kicks. There are lots of different ways to do these "kick counts," so ask for specific instructions.

Here's one common approach: Choose a time of day when your baby tends to be active. (Ideally, you'll want to do the counts at roughly the same time each day.) Sit quietly or lie on your side so you won't get distracted. Time how long it takes for you to feel ten distinct movements — kicks, twitches, and whole body movements all count. If you don't feel ten movements in two hours, stop counting and call your midwife or doctor.

34 weeks